We need more adults who can tolerate a little bit of chaos. We need more adults who embrace the messy and vulnerable side of childhood. We need to understand this truly and deeply. A shiny happy classroom, a shiny happy family, is often anything but.
Had a discussion with my fellow HSP parents last night, and this was a WHOLE MOOD. As highly sensitive parents, we are complicated beings -- we can be deeply kind when we're resourced, or deeply frustrated and frustrating when we're not. At the same time, we seek to smooth out our children's experiences, sometimes in ways that aren't all that helpful to their development, because we struggle with their tantrums, and with other people's reactions to them. It's quite a tangle. But every word of this resonated. To have the courage to allow our children to be like the ocean, we desperately need these timely reminders that we don't have to ride the waves alone. Grateful for this.
I just realized I never responded to this - there's been a lot of sickness in our house lately and sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. But thank you for commenting. I'm so glad my eyes resonated and glad to connect. You're right, it is quite a tangle we find ourselves in. I'm also glad I don't have to ride the waves alone. I value the community I see growing here.
Especially for those of us with sweet and sensitive neurodivergent kids. Our culture's message of being kind only lands on the ears of the most sensitive kids already primed to meet the needs of others and self introspect.
The child who cares for their siblings like a mother. The child who gets a job at 10 and gives their earnings back to the family does not come out of the family better for it. They get eaten alive when they hit adulthood in our narcissist cultivating culture.
Let me very clear, all this does is make them into echoists (people pleasers), who then end up in relationships care taking of the narcissists. They serve narcissistic bosses, spouses, children, while thinking if they do enough internal work to fix themselves it will fix the issues.
Spoiler alert for all of you out there like this, YOU ARE NOT THE ISSUE.
We must allow our most sensitive children to be whom they are naturally supposed to be. This is a key part to finding and reaching their full potential.
My parents think I have done a horrible job because my kids don't seek to serve their emotional needs.
I think my grandparents did a horrible parenting job and then saddled me with their coddled, immature narcissistic grown a** children. I AM DONE WITH THAT. I did more than my fair share of serving up. I learned my lesson and it is I am not passing that down.
YES. This dynamic is so prevalent. Sensitive kids are prone to people pleasing (at least in this cultural landscape), and much of mainstream parenting and schooling just reinforce this. I'm right there with you, working to disrupt that pattern.
Had a discussion with my fellow HSP parents last night, and this was a WHOLE MOOD. As highly sensitive parents, we are complicated beings -- we can be deeply kind when we're resourced, or deeply frustrated and frustrating when we're not. At the same time, we seek to smooth out our children's experiences, sometimes in ways that aren't all that helpful to their development, because we struggle with their tantrums, and with other people's reactions to them. It's quite a tangle. But every word of this resonated. To have the courage to allow our children to be like the ocean, we desperately need these timely reminders that we don't have to ride the waves alone. Grateful for this.
I just realized I never responded to this - there's been a lot of sickness in our house lately and sometimes things get lost in the shuffle. But thank you for commenting. I'm so glad my eyes resonated and glad to connect. You're right, it is quite a tangle we find ourselves in. I'm also glad I don't have to ride the waves alone. I value the community I see growing here.
THIS!!!!!
Especially for those of us with sweet and sensitive neurodivergent kids. Our culture's message of being kind only lands on the ears of the most sensitive kids already primed to meet the needs of others and self introspect.
The child who cares for their siblings like a mother. The child who gets a job at 10 and gives their earnings back to the family does not come out of the family better for it. They get eaten alive when they hit adulthood in our narcissist cultivating culture.
Let me very clear, all this does is make them into echoists (people pleasers), who then end up in relationships care taking of the narcissists. They serve narcissistic bosses, spouses, children, while thinking if they do enough internal work to fix themselves it will fix the issues.
Spoiler alert for all of you out there like this, YOU ARE NOT THE ISSUE.
We must allow our most sensitive children to be whom they are naturally supposed to be. This is a key part to finding and reaching their full potential.
My parents think I have done a horrible job because my kids don't seek to serve their emotional needs.
I think my grandparents did a horrible parenting job and then saddled me with their coddled, immature narcissistic grown a** children. I AM DONE WITH THAT. I did more than my fair share of serving up. I learned my lesson and it is I am not passing that down.
YES. This dynamic is so prevalent. Sensitive kids are prone to people pleasing (at least in this cultural landscape), and much of mainstream parenting and schooling just reinforce this. I'm right there with you, working to disrupt that pattern.