I think one of most of our goals as parents is to raise kids who are problem-solvers. We hear over and over again that this is a real-world skill that this generation needs, and that their creativity and problem-solving abilities will be essential as the job market continues to evolve.
This is one of the reasons an approach like collaborative problem-solving sounds so appealing. We want them to be problem-solvers. And while I am a fan of this approach, I know it can be tricky to implement if you have a child who is resistant to having "conversations" or gets angry when you make observations about their experience.
But, if you've gotten to the point where your child is starting to come up with solutions to their problems, there is a pattern you should be on the lookout for. We adults do it, too, so it's helpful to understand even if your child isn't there yet.
It's the pattern of trying to solve your problems by changing your circumstances. If you think about it, it's often the default solution when we're feeling challenged: we look for a way out. It's a nervous system response, and sometimes it serves us well.
Other times, though, we can't change our circumstances, and if that is the only strategy we have, then whatever challenge we are facing is going to feel even harder.
This episode dives into how you can begin to support your child in expanding their repertoire and developing the skills they need to move through challenging circumstances.
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Ep. #109: When they think the solution is changing their circumstances